My First Post on My New Chapter

Yesterday was such a memory, a long journey, to reach who I am today.
I thank God to have this life. It is not good, It is GREAT! FABULOUS! 
Maybe this will be a good lesson for me, because I am the apprentice of life itself.
And as I've always stated to myself : 

I am not white : naive and sometimes boring. 
I am not black : dark as always.
But I am Grey.


I got so much things I can keep from our journey. 
I can't say I was happy. At first step of our journey, I was really happy. But in the end, there's too much hurt. I was not happy, but I am thankful.

Looking back to the past, I really want to go back to the time when we laughed together. 
But I decide to move on. No one ask me, i decide.
I looked to our pictures before I deleted them. There's so much love, I know I was happy at that time. The way tree look at me at that picture reminded me that we were really really happy...

 Tree ever said to me, " never wish our story will end happily, because we will go along happily." 
But the point is, it did end happily. At least, for me

 Tree ever said to me, " My love for you is like a candle. I will shine brightly when other candles die out."
But the point is, maybe 'the candle' will never shine because the other candles still shine. And am I willing to blow all candles out so that one will shine? No. You asked too much, and I don't want to give you even if I can.

At the beginning, I was able to be myself along our journey. But in the end, I kept using mask to make tree safe.
And I don't want to be like that, even if I can.

I always said,

Patience has no limitation. If it does, then it means you 'limit' yourself. 
But tolerance must have limitation. If it doesn't then it will be execrable.

And My tolerance for you has met the limitation.
I used to tolerant when you yelled at me in front of people.
I used to tolerant when you shooed me directly...
I used to tolerant when you deleted my photos from your account
Now it's time for you to tolerant me when I  stop tolerating you.

I do not regret anything. 
I believe as someone ever told me, 
sometime we need to cry so the tears will clean our eyes and we can see the things more clearly...
As I believe I met you because God wanted to.

Before I declared my decision, I asked to myself : 
why should I give up after I've kept going for this long?

But then, another question came:
why should I keep going if you never ask me to.

Whether take it or leave it, I decide to leave it.
Sorry, If I never meet you expectation of how I should be.

But if you ask me, am I happy now?
then I'll answer:
Yes, I am :)
I feel love from people around me which I didn't feel because of you
I feel grateful for the life I have
I feel satisfied for the new chapter I begin.

I wish you are happy too...
I wish you'll find your home, as I find my home now :)
 Because now I can breath freely, smile sincerely, and laugh happily unlike when I was with you. I faked, and I hated it.

You were my tree,
You were my butterfly,
but you were not my home...

Thanks for everything

for the tree who ever gave me oxygen,
who now I save on a box: keep locked and hidden...